I’m feeling like I miss my Ex. And I don’t know if this is true — that I’m missing him.
While sitting this morning, I wondered “Do I miss him?” or is that I miss what he stirred up in me, this sweet feeling of love (that now has a twinge of bittersweet since the relationship is over?)
And then I wondered (because, obviously, my head had commandeered my meditation session), “can I extract the feeling of Love from my association with him? Can I enjoy the feeling of Love and then see him moving away from my most intimate garden? And then can I feel gratitude for him for contributing to my feeling Love?”
It behooves to note that when I ask within for what this new year’s intention is, the answer I’m hearing is: Love.
Calling in Love
And it isn’t necessarily romantic love, is it? Is it Divine love? Is it heart a-buzz? Or… what? Deep connection and feeling, I think.
Deeper feeling all the time, in fact. More of the delicious experience of what life could feel like if I were connected to my heart and body more.
So this is the capacity that I am cultivating. Embodying Love. The capacity to be present and aware and in touch with my heart and body all the time. Finally already!
Rejecting mental clutter
No more heady-head, mental masturbation, needless worry. I’m so over that. Those stress patterns that are totally and completely useless. That do Nothing except make life not-fun.
Really. In the context of bringing forth the work I want to bring forth, the experiences I want to enjoy, the gifts I have to share, the creativity I have to express — those patterns of anxiety and stress serve Zero purpose. None. Zilch. Nada.
Actually, it’s worse than that. Zero implies that those crappy patterns just don’t contribute to moving the Goods forward. But that’s not true.
When they are present, they have a negative effect. They drag down. Hinder. They get in the way. Make it harder to proceed. Hurl in the wrong direction.
The very definition of Clutter*.
* ”Clutter” of course meaning Anything that gets in the way of superbly and fabulously enjoying the beauty in life.
And because those patterns are deep, I shan’t expect them to change over night. I’ve got patience and patience is needed. I’ve got awareness that small practice every day has exponential effect over time.
The compounding power of dedication
I’m clear that a penny every day eventually adds up to 100 bucks. Takes a while, but you get there.
So instead of a penny, I’ll shoot for a minute ever day. A minute more of staying connected with my heart, body and the sweet feeling of Love.
A minute doesn’t sound like much… but + (plus) a minute every day… well, now. That’ll add up to something over time.
Let’s see, how many waking minutes in a day are there?
From 7am to 11pm are 16 hours.
16 hours x 60 min in an hour = 960 min/day.
So if I want to enjoy the yummy experience of Love all day long, and I add a minute every day, then that’s a little less than 3 years.
Since there are bound to be setbacks now and again maybe we’ll give it another 1/2 and say 5 years to play it safe.
But then again, once we get going, there will probably be some leaps and bounds of progress. Like exponential growth. Quantum leaps and what not. So with total dedication, I suppose, it could be as fast as a year.
Which is all to say, who knows how long it will take?
Committing to the Right Time
All I know is that Dedication raises the structure, lays the mosaic on the floor, paints the ceiling, and before you know it, you’ve got some sweet Sacred space to give thanks for.
AND… we’re not beginning from ground zero, I.e. I’m starting the year with more than 1 minute per day. Maybe like 10. On a good day. Thank goodness for that.
You might be wondering, “Are you really going to time this every day??” We are, after all, immersed in a culture obsessed with metrics, measuring, comparing, showing progress, proof in pudding and whatnot.
No, I’m not actually going to time it— that’d be a total Clutter*-inducing activity that would get me stuck in Chronos time when I’d rather be living in Kairos time.
* ”Clutter” still meaning Anything that gets in the way of superbly and fabulously enjoying the beauty in life.
“Chronos” referring to linear clock time.
“Kairos” referring to the experience of the moment.
Thus, let Love be my Anchor for this year: both the journey and the destination.
May I be my own best friend in supporting this adventure.
May the way be ever easier to travel.
Photo credits by Shawn Tuttle, all from wanderings in Antwerp, Belgium in winter 2015